The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. -Phyllis Diller Funny
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller Teacher
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -Phyllis Diller Thanksgiving
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller Home
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Beauty
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. -Phyllis Diller Parenting
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Age
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller Funny
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. -Phyllis Diller Anger
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. -Phyllis Diller Business
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. -Phyllis Diller Beauty
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -Phyllis Diller Christmas
