If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

- W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.

- W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

- W. C. Fields

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

- W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

- W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

- W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

- W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

- W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

- W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

- W. C. Fields