A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

- Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

- Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

- Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

- Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

- Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

- Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

- Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

- Robert Benchley