I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. - Rita Rudner 1 Share Now -
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. - Rita Rudner 2 Share Now -
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. - Rita Rudner 3 Share Now -
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. - Rita Rudner 5 Share Now -
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. - Rita Rudner 6 Share Now -
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. - Rita Rudner 7 Share Now -
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner 8 Share Now -
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? - Rita Rudner 9 Share Now -
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner 10 Share Now -