The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

- Joe E. Lewis

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

- Joe E. Lewis

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

- Joe E. Lewis

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

- Joe E. Lewis

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

- Joe E. Lewis

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

- Joe E. Lewis