I hope I go to Heaven, and when I do, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does when he gets there. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'

- Herb Caen

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.

- Herb Caen

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.

- Herb Caen

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

- Herb Caen

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

- Herb Caen

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

- Herb Caen