My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

You can't make a souffle rise twice.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth