A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. -Robert Orben Graduation
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years. -Robert Orben Humor
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? -Robert Orben Politics
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself. -Robert Orben Valentinesday
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. -Robert Orben Government
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. -Robert Orben Humor
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. -Robert Orben Society
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. -Robert Orben Health
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. -Robert Orben Parenting
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -Robert Orben Morning
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -Robert Orben Business
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. -Robert Orben Funny
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. -Robert Orben Humor
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. -Robert Orben Success
