That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. -Jerry Seinfeld Christmas
Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. -Jerry Seinfeld Funny
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. -Jerry Seinfeld Life
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. -Jerry Seinfeld Good
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. -Jerry Seinfeld Funny
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. -Jerry Seinfeld Funny
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. -Jerry Seinfeld Great
Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. -Jerry Seinfeld Anger
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' -Jerry Seinfeld Birthday
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. -Jerry Seinfeld Marriage
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. -Jerry Seinfeld Death
Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. -Jerry Seinfeld Humor
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. -Jerry Seinfeld Amazing
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' -Jerry Seinfeld Women
