When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. -Erma Bombeck Mom
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. -Erma Bombeck Life
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. -Erma Bombeck Strength
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? -Erma Bombeck Men
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. -Erma Bombeck Car
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. -Erma Bombeck Medical
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. -Erma Bombeck Family
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. -Erma Bombeck God
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. -Erma Bombeck Mom
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids. -Erma Bombeck Mom
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. -Erma Bombeck Time
