In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it. -Adam Carolla Architecture
You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. -Adam Carolla Society
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much. -Adam Carolla Christmas
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. -Adam Carolla Business
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. -Adam Carolla Family
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. -Adam Carolla Patriotism
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. -Adam Carolla Women
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is. -Adam Carolla Health
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.' -Adam Carolla Funny
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was? -Adam Carolla Funny
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.' -Adam Carolla Humor
